


under the sink.

by hy_ddy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (on chapter 2), Angst, M/M, Mentions of depressions, also cuddles, kinda sad, mentions of self harm, moodboard, warning : white bathroom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-19 09:10:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4740809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hy_ddy/pseuds/hy_ddy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongdae knew, and yet he did nothing to stop it.</p><p>In which Minseok is fucked up and Jongdae blames himself in the aftermaths.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Minseok ?"

Silence. Only silence answered Jongdae's call as he entered the flat he shared with his bestfriend. It was late, closer to dawn than dusk. He had gone out with two of his co workers, Baekhyun and Chanyeol, for the evening, texting the elder about why he'd be coming late that night.

The day had been gloomy, sullen, grey clouds hovering above the equally grey skyscrapers in the capital of South Korea. Rain had threatened to fall and the atmosphere had been so heavy, Jongdae had been so happy when his friends asked him if he'd want to share his evening with them.

He knew he shouldn't have. He knew Minseok. It hadn't happened in months, but he couldnt quite enjoy his outing, memories churning in the back of his mind. He had brushed them off, though, and he regretted it now.

Their shared apartment was completely dark beside for their bathroom. The door was only slightly open, light filtering out of it, but for it to be on so deep in the night was quite frightening to Jongdae. He called out for his roommate again, voice getting shaky. He still had no answer. He hurried to te opened door, worry painted on his face.

That's when he heard it.  
The small wimpers, the tiny sobs.

Minseok's voice was making those sounds.

When he opened the door, an impression of déjà vu flooded his mind painfully. The white tiles weren't so white where Minseok was crouched, under the sink. The mirror was broken, shattered glass everywhere, from the floor to his friend's knucles. The dark haired man had his eyes closed, brows furrowed in a frightened grimace as his mouth let out sobs after sobs. And of course that horrible dried red was clashing against the pure white of the room, the fair skin of the sleeping man, the mirror...

Jongdae knew Minseok would have a hard time entering the room the following days, memories of his emotional outburst flowing out of the broken mirror.

" 'Dae..."

Jongdae returned to his senses when Minseok whimpered his name,  squating beside him while carefully keeping away the shards of glass. Jongdae took his friend's tenses hands, trying his best to not hurt the already injured knuckles. The blood had stopped flowing a long time ago, making the younger wonder how long he had been hiding in the bathroom. He knew he should not have left him that long. He _knew_ Minseok would find a reason to indulge pain to himself. He _knew_ there was a reason why Jongdae had declined every propositions to get a drink after work. He _knew_ and he still had let that happen. Jongdae could feel the tears swelling his eyes, threatening to spill. _It's my fault. It's all my fault._ He lowered Minseok right knuckles with his left hand so Jongdae could brush his friend's hair away from his face, cuping his cheek in the process. He felt Minseok stir under his palm, drawing another whimper from his mouth.

"Min... Min please wake up..." Jongdae brushed his cheek with his thumb, drawing circles on the palm of the other hand he was holding. He must have touched a sensible area, because Minseok flinched under the touch. This time it was Jongdae who sobbed. Minseok was in so much pain, whether it was physical or emotional.

He shook him a bit harder. He just wanted to help him. He just wanted Minseok to be alright. He called him again, once, twice, three time and finally he opened his heavy eyelids to see a red eyed Jongdae. 

Mind still hazy, Minseok did not immediately understand why his best friend was starting to cry, clutching tightly his hands like he had nothing else in the world.  


His hands.

He had done it again. He had -

Minseok started to sob loudly, biting his lower lip until he could draw blood out of it. Once again Jongdae was crying because of him, because he couldn't be left alone for an evening, because in the end he would either harm himself or try to make sure that he would never have to self harm ever again because he'd be _fucking dead._

But Jongdae had never complained. Jongdae had always been there, treating his wounds when Minseok refused to go to the hospital, cuddling with him when he felt like crying, putting up with his shit. Jongdae was so nice and selfless and Minseok was making him _cry_ \--

"I-- I'm so-- so sorry J-- Jongdae," Minseok managed to say between several shallow breaths. "I d-- did it ag-- again."

Jongdae kept crying for a whole minute before sniffling, wiping his face with the back of his left hand. He passed an arm over Minseok's shoulder and another under his knees, before lifting him up carefully to not hit the both of them against the sink. Minseok hid his face in his friend's sweater, like the many times Jongdae would carry him, clutching the fabric with the bit of strength his hands still had. His eyes were wetting Jongdae's clothes, but neither of them seemed to mind. _No,_ Jongdae thought to himself, _the only thing i care about right now is--_

Jongdae opened his bedroom with his right foot, quickly passing the doorway to lay the still weak Minseok on the mattress as carefully as possible. He didn't let go of his hand as he laid on the vacant side of the bed, facing Minseok's red eyes. He kept whispering that he was sorry, that he didn't want Jongdae to cry, that if he wanted he could stop caring about him--

Jongdae slid an arm on top of Minseok, placed a hand on his neck, massaging his nape in order to calm him. He cared about him so much, he couldn't _stop_ caring. Minseok was his everything. His best friend, the man he lived with, the one who gave him hope when he couldn't find it, the man who didn't realize how Jongdae would be lost without him, without his bright rare smiles and quiet laugh.

Jongdae let Minseok curl up against him, sticking his left arm out so the elder could use it as a pillow, like they'd done many time before. His hold on Jongdae's sweater lightened, but it was still here and strong and probably _painful_ and _\--_

Jongdae took the small fist in his hand, brushing his thumb just under the cuts made by the now broken mirror. Their gazes met and in that instant, Minseok did not see the look Jongdae gave him. It was more than just worry, it was more than a friend caring about his best friend well being. But Minseok didn't see that. And Jongdae knew, because he had looked at him like that for quite a long time now, but he was fine with it. _Because--_

"I'll never stop caring about you, Minseok."

_Because you're the only thing i care about. You're the only person I'd die for. Because you didn't leave me when i was at my worst. Because I still didn't return all the affection you give me, because I want to make you happy--_

_Because I love you._


	2. Bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After 2 years i finally did that moodboard i wanted to do spekfepkefkpe

 

☼

 

Here I just thought i'd add this... two years later... yes...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catch me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/hy_ddy)

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy !  
> This is poorly written i'm sorry i wrote it in less than half an hour because I was feeling rather depressed haha how to cope with depression by me, write angsty gays.  
> Anyway this is the first thing I am posting ever.  
> Also I'm french, sorry for the mistakes ;u;.  
> Cross posted and lj.


End file.
